FA to introduce MAR, Moral Assistant Referee, for 20192020 season

30 Apr 2019 07:46pm, by YorkshireSquare

Due to persistent naughtiness from Leeds United this season the FA have announced the introduction of MAR or Moral Assistant Referee for the 2019-2020 season. When the news of spygate broke back in January, world class Sky Sports pundit Keith Andrews said; “It's quite disgusting really. It's not the way things are done over here. It's not illegal but it's immoral, it's not within the spirit of the game". Leeds United again caused outrage in the footballing world this weekend by upsetting the delicate flower and guardian of morality in football, John Terry.

These stains on our otherwise honourable game could not be allowed to continue, English football is a bastion of sportsmanship and fair play. Something had to be done to uphold these standards. With the introduction of MAR match officials will wear a moral compass with every match being watched live at the MAR Centre based at Stockley Park by a top class team of the games moral guardians including Don Goodman, Jermaine Jenas and Dean Saunders. Should any unseemly behaviour be observed an alarm will be sounded and the word ‘OUTRAGE’ will flash up on the referees moral compass.

The game will be immediately stopped to give all football pundits, ex-professionals and journalists a chance to get on their high horses and preach about what is morally acceptable within the English game and how unsportsman like behaviour will not be tolerated. Serious crimes such as playing to the whistle and scoring when a member of the opposing team has tried to foul one of your players will be treated with a points deduction, peering over a fence and having a pint in a pub in Derby will result in immediate expulsion from the league.

However attacking goal scorers, punching opposing players in the stomach whilst your teammate shields it from the referee, diving to win penalties and feigning injury to waste time or have the game stopped are all examples of irreproachable behaviour… provided they occur against Leeds United of course.

This article is satirical, in case you hadn’t noticed. John Terry, guardian of morality in football? Do me a favour!