Leeds fan, best mate passes away.

[Broad Ford]

A friend for 50 years booked in for chemotherapy in an attempt to cure stage 4 oesophageal (Food pipe).

I'm gutted that he passed away on Saturday on day 11 in hospital. He didn't think he would see Christmas, couldn't swallow any solids at all and generally felt hopeless. We shared a few memories, photos, etc, and I even advised him that the therapy could speed up the end but he didn't seem to fully understand the huge risk. I'm starting to think he was kind of looking forwards to meeting family on the other side, after calmly smiling as he showed me pictures of his parents and young sister long since departed. Was it the pain relief or was it the end he calmly embraced with a smile?

I'm writing this to hopefully receive kind and healing advise from others that know more than me on the subject of bereavement. I'm still feeling a little shocked at his sudden passing at mid 50 and still have things to talk about but now it's too late.

Healing for me is going to be a long road.

Thanks in advance.

[SaraM]

Really sorry you've lost your friend. There's no easy way through bereavement, unfortunately, it takes time and has to run its course. Be kind to yourself, and seek comfort and solidarity with others who knew him, if you can.

If this is the first time you have lost a close contemporary, it will probably raise questions about your own mortality too. The only way to come to terms with this is to face it head on imo. Don't despair, know that your feelings will change, given time.

[velo]

Sorry to hear this mate, I feel for you, Sara pretty much covered everything , Take care

[1964white]

Sorry to hear about your best friend, Broad Ford,

People deal with bereavement of loved ones differently, time is a great healer, the sadness exists & may feel prolonged, you never really get over a loss of someone close, but in time you learn to deal with it treasuring the memories.

RIP to your special friend

[Ellandback1]

The pain you feel at the moment is horrible, but it will get easier. All the very best.

[BradWhite]

A friend for 50 years booked in for chemotherapy in an attempt to cure stage 4 oesophageal (Food pipe).

I'm gutted that he passed away on Saturday on day 11 in hospital. He didn't think he would see Christmas, couldn't swallow any solids at all and generally felt hopeless. We shared a few memories, photos, etc, and I even advised him that the therapy could speed up the end but he didn't seem to fully understand the huge risk. I'm starting to think he was kind of looking forwards to meeting family on the other side, after calmly smiling as he showed me pictures of his parents and young sister long since departed. Was it the pain relief or was it the end he calmly embraced with a smile?

I'm writing this to hopefully receive kind and healing advise from others that know more than me on the subject of bereavement. I'm still feeling a little shocked at his sudden passing at mid 50 and still have things to talk about but now it's too late.

Healing for me is going to be a long road.

Thanks in advance.

Very sorry to read your comment Broad Ford, Grief is such a hard road to walk down alone.
I lost a dear friend to suicide over 10 years ago, we were friends since we were 13 years old and it is still quite tough knowing I'll never see or hear him ever again, but he is never far from my thoughts like other people I have lost along this journey, they will remain with me forever.
There are groups you could join like Andys Man Club (.co.uk) that have meetings where you can be around others to share your thoughts and feelings or just pop along for a coffee, I'm fairly sure you will find common ground.

I am sure that your friend would want you to go on and have a full life, he wouldn't want you to be down.
Remember him and make the best of the time in front of you.

Best wishes mate..

[Cjay]

Condolences Broad Ford.

As others have said people deal with grief differently.

Some people find comfort in talking about it and others prefer to keep themselves to themselves.

Personally I am the latter and prefer to be alone with my own thoughts and work my way through it that way but I'd say talking is better and trying to remember the best times.

I myself lost my sister few months ago very suddenly and found it very difficult to talk about and much preferred to be alone.

Everyone is different.

I'd say Sara has pretty much nailed it.

Condolences.

[Jaydog]

Condolences Broad Ford.

As others have said people deal with grief differently.

Some people find comfort in talking about it and others prefer to keep themselves to themselves.

Personally I am the latter and prefer to be alone with my own thoughts and work my way through it that way but I'd say talking is better and trying to remember the best times.

I myself lost my sister few months ago very suddenly and found it very difficult to talk about and much preferred to be alone.

Everyone is different.

I'd say Sara has pretty much nailed it.

Condolences.

I’d echo all the good advice above. Losing someone you love is always hard but it does get easier or at least less painful. Condolences to you and your friends family.
And Cjay I’m very sorry about your sister. You strike me as being quite young? Mid 30s? Makes your sister young too. Anyway that’s very sad so condolences to you and your family.

[mentalcase]

Condolences Broad Ford, nothing much more people can say, we all deal with grief in differing ways, staying strong and as positive as one can is utmost.
Your good friend would want you to stay strong and carry on , remembering him in the right ways.
My own personal motto when someone dies is this : Life is for the living, please don't go with them.

[Kennyb41]

Really sorry you've lost your friend. There's no easy way through bereavement, unfortunately, it takes time and has to run its course. Be kind to yourself, and seek comfort and solidarity with others who knew him, if you can.

If this is the first time you have lost a close contemporary, it will probably raise questions about your own mortality too. The only way to come to terms with this is to face it head on imo. Don't despair, know that your feelings will change, given time.

I completely echo this.

In 1997 i lost a very close friend, salt of the earth, funny guy always a smile on his face you couldn't wipe off, one of the biggest cases i've known of ' only the good die young'

He was killed in an accident at work and i was compelled to go the next day to the site of the accident for some reason, i cried daily until after the funeral and had never known such grief and was taken aback how it had affected me.

One comment i distinctly remember was from another good friend of mine and the deceased that came from his mother, who said 'the death of a close friend can grieve you more sometimes than a family member'

I can only say that's exactly how i felt and was feeling, we still all meet up once a year to have a drink to his memory. Now that was a very good friend and it felt like i'd lost a leg.

To sum up how i feel about losing my Daughter in 2018, just think both legs and arms.

It doesn't feel like it now to you, but only time helps, and like most friends have said to me 'you don't get over it, you learn to live with it'....i suppose i must have, but, i'm nearly crying now as i'm writing this and don't feel i have, the one main thing how it does seem to have affected me is i don't give a s**t about death now and in a way it can't come fast enough, i just pray we'll meet again.

One thing i will tell you to do is, cry.

[Orange Box]

One thing i will tell you to do is, cry.

Best advice ever.

[BlackHillsPaul]

Sincere condolences on the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that everyone deals with in their own way. My best advice is to take your queue's from him. He seemed to be at peace. Join him in that peace. May his Memory be Eternal!!

[Broad Ford]

Thanks for the kind words and advice.

I'm dealing with the pain mostly in private as the memories bring tears, but I see this as part of the healing process. Your right that time will heal along with walks through Woodlands, canals, etc. Walking whilst thinking is what I like to do the most and I feel better after the fresh air.

I'll have to return to work shortly but can't help but fear it might be too soon. I'll know when I walk through the doors and clock in to then attend my return to work if I'm ready.

There's a funeral to attend soon and then hopefully a return to normal. If the pain still persists then yes I'll take a look at a bereavement club, maybe pop in for a coffee and a chat with others. Sounds like a good call to me.

[Jaydog]

Kenny is spot on there. A lot of men try to stop the tears. Better to cry like a baby if you need to. I certainly did when my mum & my dog died.

[1964white]

Personally I am the latter and prefer to be alone with my own thoughts and work my way through it that way but I'd say talking is better and trying to remember the best times.

I myself lost my sister few months ago very suddenly and found it very difficult to talk about and much preferred to be alone.

Sorry to hear about your sad loss, CJay, your sister must have been quite young.

[1964white]

Kenny is spot on there. A lot of men try to stop the tears. Better to cry like a baby if you need to. I certainly did when my mum & my dog died.

Good advice

Cried my eyes out when I've lost my loved ones, I'm an emotional person even in happier times.

[Muppet the Cat]

Sorry to hear of your losses BF and Cjay

Some wise words of advice given above.

[Cjay]

Thanks to from me.

She was 35

Appreciated

[Mrs64]

Sorry to hear about your devastating losses Broad Ford & Cjay

Far too young to die, hope time heals your hurting to a certain degree soon x

[Chilli D]

As I've mentioned on here previously, my brother died in 2017 aged 59 from prostate cancer and the pain was unbearable for a long time.
Not ashamed to say, I cried my eyes out at his funeral. Messages by OMD was played and even now I struggle to listen to it because of what it means.
Everyone deals with the grief differently Broad Ford, do whatever you need to do to get through it.
Time really is a great healer but the pain never goes away completely.
All the best mate
MOT